In Process

Self-discovery is a mixed bag, isn’t it? It can be a beautiful process in which we see what we’re made of, note our strengths and examine our character. But it can also be very hard when facing the difficult parts within, the areas that need our attention, that need growth. For the Christian, when the Holy Spirit is in this process, it is good, not usually easy, but necessary; He opens our eyes to the good, the bad and the ugly as we pursue our likeness in Christ.

Over Christmas break, my family and I took a trip to New Orleans. My preconceived ideas of this place were formed by Disneyland (yes, I admit it) and pictures I’ve seen of the colorful, lavish parties of Mardi Gras. I had no idea what to expect, and was at the very least thinking I’d leave New Orleans saying, “Been there, done that.”

I was in for a surprise! I found New Orleans to be a happy, joyful place that was rich in culture unleashed with vibrant music at Jackson Square, entertainers, and the most delicious food, coffee, and need I say, the beignets. Mind you, we experienced these things during the day and early evening.

Our afternoons were resting back in the hotel room, me listening to my audible book, and reflecting on and decompressing from the past year.

What I didn’t expect was how God would use this time in New Orleans for me personally. Last year was a challenging year dealing with varying levels of grief.

One area I had been grieving seemed to be unique. It was something I had struggled with on and off over the years, but it had gripped me the last few months. It’s difficult to share this type of grief when most may not understand it, especially when I’m trying to wrap my own head around it. Words fail but the heart knows, and it hurt. Jeremiah 17:9 speaks of the heart being sick so muddling through this was not easy for me.

I praise God when he provides these quiet removed moments that draw me to him. With my book and this time away, I felt him tuck me under his wing and hunker me down for some learning.

I don’t always come up with a word for the New Year, but while on this trip, it became clear to me what my word would be:

Abide

My book referenced the agricultural process of godly growth; good, healthy, and abundant growth. Growth that even uses our manure in life to produce rich nutrient soil for our growth. I was pointed to the words of Christ:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing…By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”

-John 15:1-5, 8–11

Unless we live on a farm, tend to a vineyard, or even dabble in gardening, these agricultural metaphors Christ used can get lost on us. It’s not easy to produce good fruit. It certainly is no quick trip to the grocery store to pick your ripe and ready produce. How I wish it were that easy!

To grow anything takes time, learning, and trial and error. I’ve been trying to grow a veggie garden in my backyard for years and have yet to produce a successful crop. I am still trying to figure out the proper soil, watering, nutrients, and timing in which I plant my veggies; I can barely get a tomato or two!

But Christ makes it sound so simple…

“Abide in me, and I in you…”

It is amazing how God’s word grows in us when we are in a season of need. It’s as if these challenging times till the soil of our hearts and tenderize us to open our eyes to his truth with more depth and understanding.

Matthew Henry’s pastoral commentary says this on John 15:4:

It is the great concern of all Christ’s disciples constantly to keep up a dependence upon Christ and communion with him, habitually to adhere to him, and actually to derive supplies from him. Those that are come to Christ must abide in him: “Abide in me, by faith; and I in you, by my Spirit; abide in me, and then fear not but I will abide in you;” for the communion between Christ and believers never fails on his side. We must abide in Christ’s word by a regard to it, and it in us as a light to our feet. We must abide in Christ’s merit as our righteousness and plea, and it in us as our support and comfort. The knot of the branch abides in the vine, and the sap of the vine abides in the branch, and so there is a constant communication between them.

He that is constant in the exercise of faith in Christ and love to him, that lives upon his promises and is led by his Spirit, bringeth forth much fruit, he is very serviceable to God’s glory, and his own account in the great day.

Oh the process. How I wish we could grow without these challenges, pain and grief that bring us low. Low to the ground, clinging to the vine that is deep in the dark dirty soil where we draw life from, being fully dependent on another, Christ, and being pruned, trimmed down for a season so we can bear more fruit in another. I do not for one second pretend to like this process. But how can we have it any other way? Christ came that we may have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10).

Produce the Spirit’s sweet fruit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-control. Abide

Let go of the bitter and sour fruit. Abide

Only Christ, in Christ. Abide

Love God, love others. Abide

Bask in his love. Abide

Be filled with his Joy. Abide

“The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old; they are every full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.”

-Psalm 92:12